Category Archives: Thoughts

Part 1, The Double-Edged Sword

I was honored to be asked to speak at a women’s Bible study tonight at my church.  In case you missed that I said, s-p-e-a-k.  I write.  I don’t speak, um, well.   One of my well-spoken  friends told me to use the nervous adrenaline to clear my head and push me through it.  I think adrenaline must have a reverse effect on me.  One time I had a  kid in the ER, and all that adrenaline did for me was make  me forget my own child’s middle name.  I never recalled it the whole time we were there.

But God was kind, to his name be the glory, to calm my nerves and help me faithfully give testimony to some riches of reading his word.  Since I Continue reading

Thoughts on Fallen Trees (Riveting, I Know)

Fallen Tree

Fallen Tree (with camera distortion)

First thought: God is kind.  That tree did not hit the window, the roof, or even the little center piece tree in our garden.  Only the Lord could providentially thread such a small space with such a huge object in a seemingly chaotic storm.

Second thought:  But why did the tree fall at all? Couldn’t the same amazing providence have kept the tree upright, fallen the other way, made a dead tree grow new roots?

Third thought:   The tree fell for the same reason that God led the Israelites’ to the edge of the Red Sea and hardened Pharaoh’s heart to pursue them.  He orchestrated the trouble and brought the deliverance that displayed His glory, power, and care for his people.

Last thought: God is kind. And it is  rich, deep, weighty kindness.

Redefining Success


Everyday, when Chris asks how it went,  “Good,” just sticks in my throat. Not because it’s not good, but because I want good to feel good.  And it rarely does.

I have a successful day in my head that looks something like:

Everyone wakes,  after me, smiling, and well-rested.

Chores are speedy, well-done, hygiene is a felt need.

Meals are contained to tummies and plates, conversation is pleasant, clean-up is swift.

School is a time of voracious excitement to improve our minds and hearts to the glory of God.

We read wonderful stories aloud on the couch all snuggled up in such a way that everyone is cozy.

Creativity is orderly and sustainable.

We get plenty of exercise outside in the fresh air.

Quiet time is quiet.

Family worship is still bodies, robust singing, and inquisitive questions.

People stay asleep in their own  beds, all night.

In reality:

Everyone wakes,  after before me, smiling, and well-rested ravenously hungry.

Chores are speedy, well-done half-done, hygiene is a felt need nobody seems to be bothered by the fuzz on their teeth.

Meals are contained to tummies and plates on the floor and hidden under napkins, conversation is pleasant mixed with whining, interrupting, and  entreating, clean-up off to play is swift.

School is a time of voracious excitement commitment to improve our minds work ethic and hearts to the glory of God (and to mom’s pride).

We read start and stop wonderful stories aloud on the couch all snuggled up in such a way that everyone is cozy arguing about where to sit and not being able to see the pictures or not liking other people’s smelly feet,

Creativity is orderly and sustainable  messy, sometimes sinister, sprawling, and abundant.

We get plenty of exercise outside in the fresh air sent outside screaming for all the neighbors to hear because we’re afraid of bugs, until we remember that the hose is out front…

Quiet time is quiet  asking if we can be done yet.

Family  worship is still rolling, wiggling bodies, robust singing a joyful noise, and inquisitive sometimes very strange questions all to the soundtrack of some giggling and some crying.

People stay asleep in their own beds, all during the night.

And reality is a line outside the blue bathroom (i.e. discipline room), forgiveness, and fighting the good fight over and over and over.

When I define success as ease, comfort, or lack of trouble we are bound to fail.  But when I see that success looks like repentance, mercy, training in righteousness, and pressing on, I can honestly answer “good,” most days because in reality our life is a whopping success.

Breached Dam

Some days this image of a broken dam runs through my head.  Chris and I will work hard to build a good sturdy wall of routine, discipline, and comfort for our kids. But when that wall is holding strong, I tend to neglect the maintenance, forgetting what power lies dormant if that wall bursts.  Until it does.  And when it bursts with 6 kids under 9…

Well, this morning I traded the child-drawn flower on the back of my slipcover for a rip down the front.  I received a valentine heart that read, “I hate math.”   I spent a significant chunk of time de-salting my computer keyboard.  I’ve thrown away yet another pair of poopy underwear owned by a certain 3-year-old who does not seem to be appropriately grossed out by anything.  We’ve been over the wild horse of emotions conversation for the ????  time.  And it looks like a tornado has come down our chimney to swirl juice and crayons, banana peels and little cut up pieces of paper all into one colorful abstract piece of art.

The real problem isn’t an isolated bad moment or two or five, it is the continual force of sin naturally following the path of least resistance.  It never relents for repairs or rest.  As John Owen said, “Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.”  In my little day dream  then, I imagine that I can just jump into the chaos and put it all to rights, after all I kind of like fighting sometimes.  But it only takes one step into the rushing water to realize that I will be drowned.  These forces are far too strong for me.

They are not too strong for the one who can make walls with water, cause storms to cease, and turn children of wrath into children of mercy.  So this afternoon calls for grace.  For grace that hems us in, repairs our breached walls, and ends in obedient worship to the immeasurably kind Christ who killed sin for me and my little rushing waterfalls of chaos kids.

When Opportunity Knocks


I was recently asked a question along these lines:

What do you do with your family/kids to teach Christ and who He is and who He is for them?

Parts of my Response:

In general, our family worship time looks like singing a hymn, reading or telling a bible story, and then praying together.  But the material we’ve used has varied a ton, mostly based on age.

Good resources are helpful and family worship is essential, but when Chris and I talked about it, we both agreed that the times we’ve really seen light bulbs go off and application sink in is in the midst of discipline. We try to view our kids’ sin as an opportunity to teach the gospel. When their misery is potent, they are most ripe to understand the comfort of Christ for them in particular. I also think the many “opportunities” I have every day to ask their forgiveness of me for my sin against them and for them to see me repent to the Lord has been very helpful.  Basically, it seems to take lots of talking, asking heart probing questions, modeling, prayer, and patience while we wait for the Spirit to open their eyes and ears. Simple; but not at all easy.

God is Not Mocked

Our women’s doctrine study is working through the book, “Easy Chairs, Hard Words: Conversations on the Liberties of God.”  It’s a unique treatise of the doctrines of grace in that it is set in a fictional setting as a conversation between a young man with questions and an older pastor.  Instead of working through the usual TULIP acronym, the conversation starts where it seems it might more naturally begin in the mind of a sincere evangelical unfamiliar with historical orthodoxy.  On the logical heels of the “free-will” philosophy (by that I mean the idea that man possesses the ability to choose Christ from his natural state) the question deserves to be begged, “Can a christian, who has secured his own salvation by his one good choice, in turn, by a bad choice (either in mind or action), lose that same salvation?”  The question naturally leads to either watering down holiness to an attainable level or dreading the condemnation that an honest look at the heart quickly reveals is the only possible outcome.

And yet, the student of the Scripture sees that Jesus does not lose any of his sheep and that our God is faithful to complete the good work he began in our hearts.  And so there are sparks of hope for the fearful and soothing truths for the broken sinner in plain sight which keep him in the fight of faith.  But what if he backed up further to ask a different question altogether.  He could ask, “How can it be that the stone dead heart of a willful sinner has the desire to make the wisest of all decisions to lay down his self-believed autonomy in order to submit his life to a savior and Lord?”

Across the scope of the Scriptures, he would find that it cannot be so.  And here would he begin to find not only a little hope to hold on to, but swim in an ocean of  self-forgetfulness, assurance, and worship of the God who has turned his heart from stone to flesh .  He could pour out adoration and thanksgiving to Him who has set on him the desire to be holy, saved, and owned and secured the fulfillment of that desire with His own Son’s blood.

I know that true Bible-believing Christians are not willfully seeking to rob God of his glory (that would a contradiction).  The tension is usually pushed aside into the category of mystery or unimportant confusion.   But it is important.  God deserves the maximum amount of glory and he initiates real freedom.  In nearly all our prayers, we ask for perseverance and for his name to be glorified.  Why would we make such bold petitions of one who does not give it?  Consider the following words from Augustine (writing in 426 A.D. lest you think this is some new notion).  The dead guys are usually better at telling it like it is.  Pretty sobering words.

But why is that perseverance asked for from God if it is not given by God? Is that, too, a mocking petition, when that is asked from Him which it is known that He does not give, but, though He gives it not, is in man’s power; just as that giving of thanks is a mockery, if thanks are given to God for that which He did not give nor do? But what I have said there, I say also here again: “Be not deceived,” says the apostle, “God is not mocked.” O man, God is a witness not only of your words, but also of your thoughts. If you ask anything in truth and faith of one who is so rich, believe that you receive from Him from whom you ask, what you ask. Abstain from honouring Him with your lips and extolling yourself over Him in your heart, by believing that you have from yourself what you are pretending to beseech from Him.   -Augustin, Bishop of Hippo

A Blog About My Blog


I’m on an organizing push around my house.  Call it nesting if you like, but I’ve always liked things to have homes.  Are there really people out there who don’t?  I know not all of us are always organized or sometimes we are too overwhelmed to get there; but really who doesn’t like the finished product?  So along with closets, toys, schedules, and meals, I thought I’d add a little organization to my blog.  It’s still a “get to” not a “have to”; but without some planning in my life, I’d never” get to” do anything but the things that I “have to,” (which actually through sanctification are becoming the things that I “get to” do.  Oh dear. )

I’m thinking something like:

Monday: Tips, Tricks, or Treats

Wednesday: Encouragements, Meditations, or Thought Ramblings

Friday: Assorted Content- Q and A (feel free to send me your questions!),  Guest Posts,  General Silliness, Anything Else that Sounds Fun to Pass On

As with all of my organizing attempts, I’m sure this will be tweaked and there will always be that one thing that doesn’t fit neatly in the box with the other like items, but it’s a start.  I love to write, to organize my thoughts, and I’m especially blessed whenever along the way, I can be used as a stepping stone to see the Savior.  Thanks for reading!